Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just gift wrapped bread.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
