Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
