2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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