so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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