I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
