the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
