I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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