Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
