Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
