there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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