Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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