I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
