just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
