Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Your dad touched me again.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
