He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
