your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
