Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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