I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
we should paint friendship bongs
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
