Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
