Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
