I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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