there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
