I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
