how can u be prego again
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
