We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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