um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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