Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
