Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
