Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
