Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
