you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
