if i can run in heels then i can drive
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
