Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
