Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
