Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This is the high leading the old right now
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
