it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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