i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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