is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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