We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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