i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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