4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
