Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
