I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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