last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize
