She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
