So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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