Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
