There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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