It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
