last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
