If i come over, it means nothing
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
