Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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