Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
